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Who “JOSH” was.

I figure I should start here with some back ground info.

I was born September 15, 1985 to parents in Indianapolis, Indiana as Joshua Allan Brewster. I grew up in a protestant family with strong religious beliefs.  My dad worked and my mom took care of the household.  I lived in a typical suburbia style neighborhood, sheltered from the world and all of its indignities.

From a young age I’ve always had moments where I questioned life.  How do I fit in? What makes me different from the rest?  Am I good enough? Now, I can’t say that I ever put myself in the shoes of wanting to be a girl at that age, but I did realize that I fit in better around girls than I did around boys.  There was always the splitting of sexes, though.  I can remember being told “you need to go do boy things.”

“Boy things”…. now what exactly is that? This idea was pushed on me my entire childhood.. from school to home to just everyday life.  I could never in my own mind understand why I cared so much about the differences of gender.  All I knew was that i was not fitting in.

I have at many times in my childhood played ‘dress up’  with the girls around my neighborhood.  I did adore the cuteness I was able to achieve, though, they just enjoyed turning a ‘boy’ into a ‘girl’.  I eventually by the time I made it to Jr. High started hiding these things.  I started keeping to myself a lot.  I didn’t talk to many people.  I spent a lot of my school years with very few friends and I played a lot of Magic: the gathering (dork, yes, I know).

I did eventually get over this gaming addiction and found my first girlfriend.  I loved her to death.    She always wanted a “man” not whatever it is that I was seen as.  I felt it should have been quite obvious to me.  I’ve always been a terrible maker of decisions.  Needless to say… this didn’t last very long… A couple of years to be exact.  I just moved on and eventually found myself deep into drugs (I’ll get back to this one later).  Nothing at home (Indianapolis) was seeming to change my moods about the world.  Nothing was bringing me enjoyment.  So, me and a friend took every penny we had and took a bus to New Orleans.  Now, I hate to stop here.. but my wrist hurts and I’m hungry.

Custard/chocolate french toast…. NOM NOM NOM!!!



About joslynalana

I'm just a girl trying to make it in the world.

4 responses to “Who “JOSH” was.

  1. Cassidy GF ⋅

    Come to Indy a boy, leave this hole as a girl! That better than most people get from this place. Keep writing, keep going, but stay who you are.

    • ^_^ I hope to within the next few weeks get deeper into what has led me to come out… I figure I’ll go through some back ground before I manage to make it there, though. I have a lot of that.

  2. robynjanesheppard ⋅

    Wait…wait…I thought this was YOUR story. SO why does it sound so much like mine? I guess so many of us go through the same doubts and questions before we finally see the light.

    • Society is very similar in many places. Many people just can’t comprehend reality. Their opinions are all that matters. Anything off their path is wrong and in feeling that people push their opinions on others to empower themselves, thus, causing anguish for anyone not on said path. I hope that makes sense hahaha

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