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Who “Josh” Was Part 3

Ok, I left off right around where I had found out I’m having a kid and I’m heading back home to Indianapolis.

When I get home I move in to my dad’s house and I manage to get the same job I had before I moved to New Orleans back… as a bar cook… YAY!… *crickets*

…anyways, as has been my life in Indianapolis, I get frustrated, depressed, and disinterested with life. I start talking to Allison again and it seemed that all she did was rip at my heart.  I cried a lot at work the last night I was there.  My friend Jeremiah picked me up and I drank the night away.  He took me home in the morning and dropped me off at my dad’s.  He knew what was going on, just didn’t ask questions about me and Allison.  I told him I had to be at work later than I usually went in.  Then I proceeded to tell him I had the day off… and went out to eat at a china buffett. I had just received a pay check and just took a bus down to New Orleans again.

This time I moved in with my friend, Ryan, who was living with a man I’d met on my first visit to New Orleans, Magic Mike.  Mike was always a sketchy dude. Ryan on the other hand was like a brother to me at the  time.  If it wasn’t for him I’d of starved many nights when I first got down there.  I got a job with him working for his mom’s boyfriend’s construction crew.  I hated this job.  I made almost nothing here.  I eventually got back in touch with Allison who finally said for me to come up in a couple weeks.  It was around thanksgiving at that time.  I told my boss i was moving to her.

I spent my Thanksgiving with Ryan’s mom, Ryan, and my now former boss.   He paid me a little bit of money at that time.  I drank about a half gallon of wine that night… Yikes.  I was soooooo drunk.  After that night, though, I had to wait for my pre purchased bus ticket was ripened.  It was at that moment I met this girl who was sleeping in her car.  I spent my last 4 days in New Orleans before I left with her… I practically fell in love.. but I told her I had to go… I wanted to be with my son.  This is where i look back at my road forking in the wrong direction.  I should have stayed with this girl.  She would never of put me through the things that Allison eventually put me through.

I finally arrived in Northern Louisiana.  Ruston is where the bus stopped.  She picked me up and took me to Jonesboro, where she was renting a place for very cheap.  Now Jonesboro is a super tiny town.  there’s no places to work other than a papermill, a walmart and a mcdonald’s.  I struggled to find work before my son was born.   Christmas finally went by and for the following two weeks Allison would want to go to the doctor for her contractions.  On January 3rd we went one more time.  That night they said they would induce labor.  She eventually had a C-section due to my sons heart rate during Allison’s contractions.  I was not able to be in the room for this. Any of it.  This kind of stuff will give me a panic attack.  I would practically faint on the spot. So, I waited…and waited… and waited.  Finally they brought my son out.  I could not hold him.  He was behind glass still.

Seeing him for the first time was absolutely amazing.  My heart literally grew 3 sizes that day. They finally brought Allison out and she was in a lot of pain.  It was not very hard to tell. She would say, “Ohhhh!!! I hurt so bad!!!” I’m sure she was not lying.  They finally brought my son to me.  I held him and it was amazing, yet, I was still so afraid.  Lil’ guy was so fragile.  This was like nothing else I’d ever imagined in the world.  We spent two weeks in that hospital for infection.  Allison was not well.  They had her do what they called a wet-to-dry process.  I spent the next 2 months taking care of what I could around the house as she was healing.  I did what I could.. I did everything she asked.  Eventually it was not enough for her.  A job was impossible to come by in this town.  She woke up one day and asked me to leave. She called the cops on me. I packed my stuff and started walking.

I called my mom who set me up with a ticket back to New Orleans.  Only problem is the closest bus stop to Jonesboro is 30 miles away in Ruston.  I had a backpack, a dufflebag, and and rolling suitcase. This walk was very miserable for me. That I know.  I had basically been randomly dropped by the girl who held my heart.  I had just seen my son for the first time and have him gone from my life too.  The walk was ridiculous.  March weather was beginning to get warm.  One of the wheels broke after only 3 miles.  I was forced to drag it.  I had to be at the bus station at 6am.  I started walking around 4pm.  I don’t remember much of how I managed to make this happen, but with a dead cell phone.  I made it all the way to the bus stop and was on my way back to New Orleans.

Until next time….




About joslynalana

I'm just a girl trying to make it in the world.

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