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The Pains of Growing

I feel as if so little is happening with my life right now when I compare it to what is going on with my body.  I’ve made a lot of changes in my life in the last 6 months.  My wardrobe has changed.  My preference for gender pronoun has changed.  My income has even changed.  I have still not found a doctor to work with me, and, thus,  I have resorted to using birth control pills to get a mild difference.  It’s been almost 8 weeks now and I’ve seen my hair get thinner and more blonde on my torso and arms.  Mammary glands have started to grow and swell.  This hurts by the way.

I came home from work on Friday and took off my shirt just to look down and think to myself, “Self, your breasts are beginning to show.”  I was happy and excited, yet, I was also wondering what I am going to do about working in the French Quarter.  I still debate using a binder to hide it because I don’t want people to be freaked out by it and decide they are too disgusted to tip me.  This could affect my income greatly.  This is something I greatly want, but I find myself still trying to hide it.   I relish my days off of work because what people think about me doesn’t affect anything I’m doing.

As far as work goes, I’ve been having some decent days.  I’m not making a million dollars or anything, but I can make a typical 10/hr jobs wage in just 2 days tops.  People continue to tell me how much they love what I do.  I have people tell me every weekend that they were told I was the best act in the city.  This really makes me smile.  I only wish they could understand that I am not a man.  I am a woman in this body.  I don’t know yet how to change that.

As I write this I am being messaged on Facebook by an amazing friend of mine trying to entice me to go out to a bar with her.  She says “You will come out and sit on my lap!”  I obediantly say yes ma’am.  So now I will spend the next 2 hours picking out a cute skirt to wear and a top to put on.  Makeup these days is super simple.

So… Time to get sexy-fied and go mingle out in the Quarter.

Until next time,



About joslynalana

I'm just a girl trying to make it in the world.

One response to “The Pains of Growing

  1. Ally ⋅

    call me please.

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