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Brainstorming And A Quick Cup Shower

So, I’m getting really bad now at keeping up on here.  The last week has been hard to do much, though.  I’ve had this miserable tooth pain that almost doesn’t want to stop.  Numbing…. that is my solution for now.

I’ve been thinking extremely hard about my work as I am making this transition.  I love the transformer costume.  It is an amazing piece of work, even in the state that it is in.  It’s amazing to some, but I see more with it.  My interests are beginning to shift my ideas.  I think I have something that is going to still be different, but much more accessible for me to transition to a girl.  I wont lie, though, if I had been practicing the voice things… this would be a done deal now as the transformer.  I want a totally new image, though.  Everyone out there knows me as “Josh” the transformer.  I don’t want that image.  Even if it’s “Josh” the transformer who is transitioning, I don’t want it.  I will start fresh.  Yes, people will recognize me from the transformer, but those people know me.  The people who see me with the new act that saw the transformer months ago wont connect those two.  Thus, I find this solution to suit me well.

I wish I could describe what I am doing, but I’ve come to realize that I don’t share ideas.  I only share finished products.  I’d rather be copied than to be completely robbed of the idea.  Either way, I’d obviously be upset, but I’m just referencing to the bad.

I can say that the new act will have a them that I’m ecstatic to attempt and it’s mostly thankful to a Swedish musician who does Japanese music.

I think it’s just overly cute enough to make what I want to make happen work.

Okay, so, enough of the work ideas.  Let me tell you what happened tonight as I’m riding home from a good friend of mine’s house.  I’m riding down St. Claude only 7 blocks or so from home.  I hear a thud on a car and a truck pass by me that was driving very close.  From the car came, “Damn! I missed!”

These assholes actually tried to hit me with their drink.  I was in complete shock.  Usually I would react with anger.  Things in me have obviously changed.  Where I would have usually followed them to express my anger, I instead wanted to stop and cry right where I was.  For the first time since I’ve started this transition,  I truly felt like a disgusting piece of trash in society.  In our ‘American’ society I should say.

So many people out there just have no respect what so ever about people and the ways they choose to live.  Granted I do strongly believe that many, many more people are respectful, but it still disturbs me how people can have such little hearts.  I can only be thankful that they didn’t actually hit me with their cup.  I still haven’t really figured out how I feel about the situation.  It was disheartening for me to be treated like that.  The rest of the bike ride home I just wanted to be invisible to the world.  I didn’t even want to exist.  As soon as I made it in the house all was forgotten… at least until I took care of that throbbing tooth ache.

Somehow I can still feel like I deserve that cup on me.  Knowing that at one point in time in my own teenage youth,  I have definitely thrown a cup at someone.  I too missed… then I felt bad about it hahaha… I hope these people feel resentment towards their action, but I strongly doubt that to be the case.

I still wish them the best of their days (as I shake my fist at them)

 

~Joslyn~

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About joslynalana

I'm just a girl trying to make it in the world.

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