Aside from my momentary lapses of life, I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve seen a lot in myself that has lacked any attention at all. Ashamed, I am not. Determined, perhaps, but never ashamed.
Character flaws. I have seen many. One thing about me: I always enjoy a good laugh. I don’t care for my persistence in habitually making a joke disregarding the whole scenario. I’m never being insensitive. I just space out. I conjure up the joke, and speak as if I hadn’t the world would end (being metaphoric, btw 😉 ). I do have issues with my Tourette’s still. My physical tics more dominant than any vocal tics. I fear everyday that I’ll get lost on a vocal tic again…. such a terrible fear…. now I appear to be rambling… hahahahaha….. but seriously…
My general appreciation for myself. I find myself disgusted of myself way too often. I want to change that. Being upset for what I’ve let go is no reason to not try and keep what I have. I speak most about my dental needs. It’s a major hate of mine. My teeth have come to a point where I’m in want of repair so bad, that I’m willing to beg someone to help me. It’s been 14 years since I’ve been to a dentist. I’m scared. When it comes to a doctor, I still react the same as I did when I was 7. Any Doctor. I just wish to smile…. My skin has been a lack of interest to me as well. What good I have done, I undid. It’s not a losing battle thankfully. Skin is a bit easier to repair than teeth.
My Performance. I don’t think I even take myself seriously anymore. I just do a lot of talking. Change, I will need. I intend to do that. I will be instead of dream. I’m so tired of dreaming. I’m awake. I’m alive. (<<<hahaha… just realized I quoted Godsmack… shame on me 😛 ) Mostly, though, I’m free and have a creative opportunity that most people could only dream about. Taking hold of that is necessity, at this point.