The End of an Era

I’ve overreacted at times, and I’ve apologized to those who did and did not deserve it.  I’ve struggled and I have admitted to my own faults, yet, I am still cast aside as a nuisance.  I’m told that I’m still a friend, but I’m treated like a person who is only useful at times.  I don’t want to be that person to anyone.  I want to be appreciated for me, and if you can’t give me a reason as to why you’re having me around, then it’s obvious that I shouldn’t be around.

I’ve enjoyed what I have obtained from people: time, compassion, what was shared.  I can’t stick around and hope that one day I’ll matter to someone.  I won’t.  I’ve been at it alone since I started.  It’s wise to continue on that path.  People just take what they want and will leave you broken and hopeless.  

So, now I am looking for a way to get out west.  I’m looking for a large city to continue doing my act and to build up and on to greater things.  San Diego? San Francisco? Las Vegas? Las Angelos? Seatle? Portland?  I don’t know.  One of these places has to be useful.  I’ll go with or without a home.  The streets have sheltered me before and I’ll let it shelter me again if it has to be that way.

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Somewhere Along In The Bitterness

Well, not that many people have been following my last few post, but I’ve been in an incredibly low mood as of late.  I’ve reacted in poor ways with people.  I’ve pushed people away.  I’ve been making sure that people can’t keep in contact of me.  I feel like I need a reset of my life.

I’m a little bit scared still to make this happen, but after debating it for a couple of days I feel like what I’m going to do is definitely a wise decision.  I have to make money first over the weekend.  I’d like to at least have a couple of days to recover from this before I go back out to work.  I do believe this will be hard, as this journey I go through tends to be for most.  

Cleansing myself of people in my life is never an easy task.  New Orleans is a beautiful place, but it’s beginning to be quite dull.  I’m in need of new surroundings completely.  

I want to look at the crowd when I go out this weekend thinking “you guys are going to pay for my ticket out of here.”  I want to be in high spirits.  I’ve needed a goal.  Leaving is a good goal when I’m in a city that I feel can only continue to defeat me.

I don’t expect to find peace by moving somewhere else, but I do miss the joy of not feeling stuck.  The thought that there’s so much more out there is weighing heavy on me.  This is my journey, and this is how I hope to grow.  Shaking myself free of the stress, the drama, the financial struggle, and the shackles of material objects once again.